A friend of my youth has died, and another is probably dying. Microcosm. The world is in a perilous state. Macrocosm.
I’ve lost the password to what used to be my life.
The air is strange and I’m losing my sense of balance.
I search through remnants scattered in the home I sold,
Wondering what to keep, or sell, or trash.
In the coffeeshop, the chatter is of family discord:
Recent losses, expected deaths, and mangled hopes
Fall like tears from the balcony, splashing on me,
Where I sit, trying to create a new password.
At a funeral today, I said “hello” to someone I haven’t seen for five years.
I’d never warmed to him.
I was a person prepared for conversation but I wasn’t in a woman’s role; I wasn’t a wife or secretary or waitress.
His approach was “Hail male, well met!” and I was not a good fit.
We turned away from each other.
Last weekend I had the pleasure of seeing several acts of civility in Toronto, of people politely being helpful to strangers. This is the kind of city I love being in.
- Someone with a senior’s ticket in a subway station without an attendant. A stranger, seeing the ticket in the token-only station, asks if the senior knows there’s a station with an attendant a couple of blocks away, then walks with her up the stairs and points the way.
- Two people standing,
I watched the American 2nd debate, and it sparked all kinds of reactions in me. Watching Trump make his (what I knew intellectually were baseless) accusations with his emotional tone so strong, I felt a sick fear that people would buy what he said, just because of the way he said it. I saw him pacing around and looming over Hilary when she was speaking, and recognized two things:
– The normality of this kind of male behaviour, and
– Why I thought it was normal;
Grocery shopping is different than it was even 10 years ago. When I decide to go shopping, I have a different set of steps, some parallel to my old pattern, and some entirely new.
First, find a recipe. I used to browse cookbooks, but now I’m more likely to go to Google with a very rough idea of what I feel like eating. If nothing I find appeals to me, I might think of a recipe I already have. I might go to my Evernote collection of recipes,